The entire world is going through a tough phase, with the corona virus spreading rapidly. While it is important to be aware that the corona virus is a grave issue, it is equally essential that you focus on taking necessary precautions without panicking. There are a number of posts and articles already doing the rounds on social media, talking about how you can make the most of the sudden time that has freed up for us. Here are a few pointers that I would like to highlight, for your benefit.

Distribute time wisely

Instead of overindulging in any kind of entertainment or recreation, be wise in distributing your time, by investing time in your physical, emotional and spiritual wellness. Restrict your screen time, so that you are not consuming too much of internet broadband. Remember, work from home is anyway going to have way too many people using the internet, thus impacting the speed etc. Also, if you do not restrict your screen time, you won’t realize how each day will go past with you just binge-watching shows on Netflix and going through memes on social media. Be mindful rather than regretting later for not utilizing your time optimally.

Do not end up overworking

It can be difficult to disconnect from work, especially if you are a workaholic, because you may start working right from the time you wake up until the day ends. Since you do not need to physically step out of office and travel to get back home, it is highly possible for you to get so engrossed in work that you lose track of time. This can be detrimental if it becomes an everyday affair, because you will be left with no time for any social interactions, physical activity or self-development.

Consciously make time for wellness

Physical fitness

In order to invest in physical wellness, you can cook healthy meals and consume them on time, which you may not have the luxury of doing while at work. There are loads of exercises that you can do at home. You can either refer to YouTube for ideas or get creative by yourself. If you have children at home, you can involve them in the workouts too. You may decide to venture out for walks or runs at your own discretion, because the government and medical authorities are recommending that you preferably stay indoors. If you do decide to venture out, make sure you take necessary precautions and adhere to the guidelines framed by the authorities.

Emotional Wellness

Your emotional wellness can be hampered during such times. Being at home all the time could lead to frustration. Looking at the news could make you feel anxious. Reading about negligent citizens can make you feel angry. And all these emotions can badly affect your mental health. Spend time relaxing your mind. Read books or watch videos that help you deal with the emotional disturbances. Seek counselling from professionals that are available for consultation virtually. You can even use this time to take an online course, work with a coach for developing skills, give time to your hobby (that can be pursued indoors) … all of these will contribute to your wellbeing.

Spiritual Wellness

Spiritual wellness can be enhanced further during such times too. Spend time reflecting about yourself. Jot down how your journey has been so far, express gratitude to those who have contributed knowingly or unknowingly to your journey. Set goals that you would like to achieve for yourself, and relook at your life vision. Spend alone time meditating or journaling your thoughts. You will feel an immense sense of fulfilment.

Work to maintain the balance between being a responsible citizen and making the most of the time that has been created because of the corona virus. Stay healthy and remember, this too shall pass.

“The spiritual dimension is your center, your commitment to your value system. It draws upon the sources that inspire and uplift you and tie you to timeless truths of humanity.”
– Stephen Covey

Wellness, simplified: 
Wellness includes having a good mental health, high life satisfaction, and a sense of meaning or purpose and emerges from one’s thoughts, actions, and experiences. Today, it is mainly looked at through three dimensions – mind, body and spirit. While we pay enough attention to our physical and mental wellness, most of us, have conveniently side-lined our spiritual well-being.

Spirituality and Spiritual Well-being:
Spiritual well-being is about wholeness, encompassing all the dimensions of life. A spiritually well person is content with life, maintains a control and balance of life, builds positive relationships with others, has a feeling of purpose and meaning, experiences a connection with a power greater than himself, etc. An important benefit of being spiritually well is the ability to accept and grow from the challenges and changes in life.

Spirituality refers to the core dimension of you, your innermost self, with whom you identify, which guides you throughout your past, present and future, and which traces your path from your source to your destination. It is the essence of a human being. Spiritual wellness means the ability to experience and integrate meaning and purpose in life. It focuses on our inner life and its relationship with the wider world. It is enhanced through one’s connectedness with self, others, nature, or a power greater than oneself. For some, spirituality may be synonymous with religion although it is not its only focus. You can incorporate spiritual wellness as an integral part of your daily life irrespective of your ideas and beliefs about God.

Meditation as a means to spiritual well-being:
An important aspect of spirituality is incorporating the habit of meditation. Meditation refers to a physiological state of reduced metabolic activity, thereby eliciting physical and mental relaxation, and enhancing psychological balance and emotional stability. It evokes a sense of calm, controlled thought and concentration. The essence of meditation is to perceive the body, mind and feelings non-critically. It may provide a comprehensive and integrative approach to healing. The practice of meditation has been found helpful in dealing with problems of anxiety, depression, and psychological distress. The minds of the modern generation have become more chaotic and restless, thus making the practice of meditation an essential part of our daily life.

What can you do for your spiritual well-being?
Along with meditation, spiritual wellness requires you to make some small changes in your lifestyle. Inculcating these into your lifestyle can definitely enable you to experience wellness, regardless of whether you meditate or not. Besides, these are habits that will help you become more humane as you progress. These include:
• Taking out time for yourself.
• Doing things that give you joy.
• Practicing forgiveness, compassion and empathy.
• Recognizing, acknowledging and embracing your dark side.
• Knowing that no one is perfect and everyone has their own set of flaws.
While these are general tips for developing a spiritual lifestyle, you can have a more personalized set of guidelines by putting a thought into what you find comfort in, your coping strategies, moments in your life when you felt the most contented and why, etc.

The importance of spirituality is known to most of us. But how many of us actually take the efforts to include it as an integral part of our lives? Spiritual well-being is as essential as physical and mental well-being. These are not any hardcore changes that need to be made. Some minute, healthy habits is all it takes to become spiritually well. It is time we inculcate them and experience LIFE in its best form!

“Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil.” –Walt Disney

Aptly put by Walt Disney, the above quote clearly defines the core of good parenting. Being a good parent does not mean protecting your children from every hurdle they may stumble upon, instead, it requires you to step aside and make your children independent enough to tackle their problems themselves, coming to you only for help and guidance. However, this stepping aside has to happen gradually, in alignment with a child’s physical, mental and cognitive development.

A child’s development takes place in four stages: infancy, pre-school, middle school and adolescence. Besides the physical and mental growth, these stages also facilitate the growth of the parent-child relationship. With each stage, there is a change in the way children look up to their parents. For a healthy parent-child relationship, it is very essential for parents to change their outlook towards their children as and when required. For example, an infant will require the presence of its parents most of the time, whereas an adolescent will expect privacy from his/her parents. It is necessary for parents to give their children what they need at a given time. However, it doesn’t mean sitting by an infant 24×7 or having no clue about your adolescent’s whereabouts. That is equally unhealthy. While the former will grow into a highly dependent individual, the latter, most often, leaves you with a “spoilt brat”.

Remember, children are highly influenced by their surroundings. Hence, providing a healthy environment for the child is as important as giving it food. A house with very strict restrictions will lead to the child breaking rules, a household which survives on conflict and constant quarrelling will give rise to child having an aggressive behaviour, a pampered kid will always remain a “mama’s boy”, an ignored child will thrive for acceptance and fall victim to bouts of self-doubts. However, a child who is given adequate love, encouraged to follow his dreams, brought up in a family with healthy relations and taught to deal with his own problems will succeed with flying colours.

A classic example of childhood environment affecting adult behaviour is the English TV show F.R.I.E.N.D.S. We have a great variety of characters having very different childhood experiences, in a way affecting their adult behaviour all the same. There is Ross, the pampered kid, who thinks he is the best at everything; Monica, extensively ignored and bullied as a child, who strives for acceptance from her parents; Chandler, who saw his parents split up when he was merely 9 years, thrashing all his beliefs in love, and making him afraid of commitments; and finally Rachel, who was brought up with so much pampering that she turned out highly dependent on her father for almost everything. Well, these guys met each other and made their lives into a ‘happily ever after’ by helping each other. But it is our responsibility as parents to ensure that no child goes through such a harsh childhood.

This Children’s Day, let’s take a step towards understanding the needs of our children and providing a healthy environment for their growth.

HAPPY CHILDREN’S DAY!!

UNESCO has declared 10^th November as ‘World Science Day’ with a goal of highlighting the importance of science in society and engaging the wider public in discussing contemporary issues related to science. The Indian Constitution has included the development of Scientific Temper as a fundamental duty of every citizen.

Today, after so many years since the establishment of our Constitution and despite the enormous increase in educational facilities in India, the burning question remains, “have we really developed a scientific outlook in our daily lives?” The answer is definitely a NO. Why am I being so certain in my answer, you ask? Think about it… almost all of us get really freaked out if a black cat cuts our path while on our way to work. To top it, if you have an important meeting scheduled, you will be almost certain that it won’t go as planned.

This is just one of the many superstitions that we are conditioned to believe in, probably, from the day we are born! There might have been a reason as to why our forefathers held a strong belief in them, but today, with the advancement of science, these beliefs just sound ridiculous and make absolutely no sense. Moreover, these beliefs stand as a major hurdle in the completion of our day-to-day activities. Considering the previous example, just the thought that the meeting won’t go as planned will hamper your performance, actually leading to a bad meeting. This acts as a reinforcer, strengthening your belief in that superstition. Given a careful consideration, you will realize that it wasn’t the cat but you who were actually responsible for the failed meeting.

Superstitions act as an external locus of control, making them a very reliable source to blame, rather than acknowledging our own mistakes. Evidently, this hampers the development of the individual as well as the society. Thus, it becomes extremely important to develop a scientific temper and knowing where to draw the line between logic and belief.

The first step towards having a scientific outlook is to develop skepticism, i.e. inculcating the habit of questioning things, making sense of it, and then deciding if it is a reliable piece of information instead of blindly accepting it as a fact. It also requires you to have an open mind and welcome constructive criticisms and suggestions, thinking of it as a scope for development, accepting them and working on them. An essential tool for a scientific mindset is to accept the fact that there are infinite perspectives to any given situation and every individual is free to accept the one that aligns with his/her line of thought. Forcing your opinions on others or accepting others’ opinions just to be a part of the majority should never be an option.

‘Scientific thought and its creation is the common and shared heritage of mankind.’ This World Science Day, let’s make a pledge to live by these words of Abdus Salam, a famous theoretical physicist, and start by taking small baby steps towards inculcating scientific temper in our daily life.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes! 😊 Some of us have so many friends that we do not bother keeping count, while some may have a handful of close friends, and some others may have just that one friend. We may have some friends since childhood, some that come in at different walks of life and move on, some that we have a good time with, some that we share our hearts with…

All of this is known to us, so what is the point of this post, do you ask?

The point is – how many of us have a ‘Kalyan Mitr’? A friend who is a well-wisher in the true sense of the word, the literal translation of this Hindi word is ‘wellbeing friend’. A Kalyan Mitr is someone who only wants the best for you, and will have no qualms about standing up against everyone, and sometimes even against you, in order to help you see the bigger picture, for your wellbeing. The friend could be a family member, a cousin or a colleague, but is a friend above all! Here’s a quick checklist for you to assess whether you have a friend who falls into the ‘Kalyan Mitr’ category.

A Kalyan mitr…

• Loves you unconditionally!
• Accepts you for what you are, even though they may make suggestions from time to time
• Does not always agree with you
• Never thinks twice about arguing with you
• Feels happiest whenever you succeed, no matter how small or big the success may be
• Does not compare your life with theirs
• Does not feel insecure about your friendship
• Always has an opinion
• Respects your choices and decisions
• Encourages you, and never belittles you
• Is liberal with appreciation and compliments, that matter to you not just superficially but also at a deeper level
• Never walks out of your life permanently, even though they may temporarily do so
• Neither judges, nor worries about being judged by you. Are you thinking, ‘friends never judge’? Sorry to disappoint you, but many do!

So, now that you have this checklist, this Friendship Day, along with the usual celebration, do ponder and see if you have at least one Kalyan Mitr in your life; and do express your gratitude to them for being a part of your life and making it so unique. The least you can do is express to them how special they are to you.

And also introspect and see if you are, or can be, a Kalyan Mitr to at least one friend, because you may not necessarily be the Kalyan Mitr of your Kalyan Mitr! Have a great Friendship Weekend.

 

It’s 10 days since the biggest day for runners! 21^st Jan 2018 – the Tata Mumbai Marathon… My first Mumbai Marathon! What an experience it was! Like most of the other runners have already mentioned in their posts, I too thought that it was a brilliantly organized event. Mumbaikars spread throughout the way cheering for us was what made the run even more fun and memorable. In this post, however, I wish to point out something that I have observed in many runs in the past too, and have wanted to write about, but somehow didn’t get down to doing it. However, this time, I just had to!

I wish to write about the runners! So, we did witness some wonderful runners who cheered those who slowed down, helped them get over their cramps and so on. But there was a whole bunch (and quite a huge number; I don’t know whether it would be right to use the word ‘majority’, because I wouldn’t have my numbers in place to prove that) of runners who didn’t really exhibit one of the core attitudes that one would expect in a runner – EMPATHY! It was so disheartening to see runners mindlessly toss about water bottles merely after having a sip, not just on the road throughout the race, but also straight into the sea, while running on the sealink… What was worse is a bed of banana peels for quite a distance, wherever bananas were distributed by considerate residents of a locality.

Being a counselling psychologist by profession, I’d like to highlight the meaning of the word ‘Empathy’, to start with. Empathy means understanding another person’s situation, and knowing what exactly he or she is going through. The other person could be just about anybody – in the event context, a runner, a volunteer, a member of the organizing committee or anyone cheering the runners.  When tossing a bottle about, what one is thinking about is their PB, their convenience, and what one is absolutely not bothered about is the plight of a fellow runner who may trip and have an injury bad enough to make this their last ever run!

It is easy to blame the organizers for not having enough dustbins, but what is difficult is to take responsibility for the event as a participant. Isn’t it the same attitude that we have towards the government – more specifically towards the Swaccha Bharat Abhiyan?!

For someone like me who ran at the lowest possible speed, it seemed like the garbage by all runners is waiting to welcome me at every kilometre. And you know the best part… the dustbins were pretty empty! I would like to clarify that this blog is not written in a fit of anger. However, this definitely is a point that requires attention. Let us all be more mindful as runners and as citizens of the country, striving to imbibe the attitude of empathy, and make the world a better place! 😊

1. My Running stint!

Running is not that difficult, after all… from moving from ‘I only walk’, to I run sometimes, to ‘I run 80% of the time’, I have come a long way… And each run, whether at an event or regular training, is an experience that comes with a lesson. I’ll hopefully write about each lesson separately. There were some runs that etched a mark in my mind. Two of the runs in particular taught me lessons that have a direct correlation with life.

Aarey run – my first hill run- taught me: whenever there is an uphill, there will always be a downhill, so whenever you realize that you are having to push yourself really hard, know that the downhill slopes are just around the corner.

Gorai run – my second hill run – taught me: whenever there is an uphill, there isn’t necessarily a downhill. Therefore, have your strategies in place to deal with the unevenness, rather than cribbing that there should have been a balance.

2. My first Half Marathon

I did my first half marathon this year, at the Indian Navy Half Marathon held at BKC in November. It was an experience that was special, had me feel a number of emotions all through the race, and a feeling of accomplishment and immense joy at the end of it! What an amazing memory!

3. Singing!

I found The Sunday Jammers – a group that reconnected me to one of my first loves – Music! While I had already come back to the world of singing after hibernating for several years, this group made me look forward to the singing sessions. And practise and attempt songs that I hadn’t sung in the past! And last but not the least, introduced me to a new set of friends that I will treasure for life!

4. My Youtube Channel dedicated to my vocals

I wished to start my YouTube channel where I upload songs sung by me, at least once a week. And here we are… The channel is up and running, before the end of 2017! The name of my channel is Sushma I R, in case you would like to check it out! 🙂

5. Fitness

Fitness is an ongoing journey, and there is nothing absolutely earth shattering that I discovered in 2017. But yes, what I did discover is that I have grown fitter mentally and physically with each exercise routine, practise run or run event that I did. Physically, because that is the intent of exercise at the end of the day.. And mentally, because every event came with a set of challenges that I slowly but successfully combated, making me stronger mentally too!

6. Zumba

It took me a while to decide, whether I wanted the ZIN certification to stay or go.. And I had to admit my love for this fitness form.. The fun and madness is something that is unique to Zumba, which is why I made up my mind.. Zumba will stay. I will continue to be ZIN!

7. Lokhandwala Running Club

Running also introduced me to a set of wonderful people that come together under the name LRC (Lokhandwala Running Club). They are some of the most amazing, sweet, humble and fun-loving people I have met. I wish I knew them before I got married and moved out of Lokhandwala… Nonetheless, it’s never too late… I look forward to meeting them at their base and at the various events.

 

8. Plank is not as difficult as I thought it is… Practice is all it takes, to make it happen. I managed to go past 2 minutes of plank!

 

9. Corporate Counselling

Work-wise, we managed to get a counselling assignment that involves travelling to manufacturing units to offer counselling services to employees. Travelling to far-off places for work is tiring, but extremely satisfying, when you get to see the progress that others are making in their lives

 

10. Relationships!

Like food, even relationships have a shelf-life. What is important is how special it was while it lasted, and the memories you made, while it lasted. 😊

Dear Zindagi, a film made by Gauri Shinde, starring Alia Bhatt and Shah Rukh Khan has just released. It is a movie that has been liked by a number of people for a number of reasons – relatability, realness and good performances being a few. One thing that the movie has attempted to do is throw light on the area of counselling and therapy, which is what appealed most to me- it’s my profession, after all!! Showing that it is absolutely fine to seek help to deal with issues that may seem trivial, but could have deeper roots, is a step towards encouraging common man to resort to counselling without a feeling of shame or guilt. The layers uncovered through the sessions have also been showcased in a realistic way, and same goes with the level of professionalism, such as time-adherence etc.

The only thing I didn’t appreciate was the fact that the chair creaked at the end, which meant that SRK, although expressed detachment to the client due to ethics (thank the filmmakers for that!), did emotionally get affected by Alia. What the emotion was is something I choose not to debate about. As a psychologist who meets clients day-in and day-out, this wasn’t a REAL moment. Well, I guess the Bollywood touch had to come in somewhere.

Lastly, although it wasn’t said out blatantly in the film, I would want to tell you that there is a difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist – the former prescribes medicines, the latter specializes in talk-therapy. A psychiatrist who provides counselling and therapy sessions has definitely undertaken additional training to be adept at doing so. I thought it is important to clarify, since I heard an RJ the other day reviewing the film, saying SRK plays a role of psychiatrist, whereas he himself says in the film that he is a psychologist. And the two are different!

To sum up, Dear Zindagi is a great attempt towards diffusing the taboo on therapy and counselling, which, no matter how much we deny, still does exist in the minds of a lot of people today in India.

Laziness is something that we all relate to. While many of us tend to feel lazy a lot of times, even the most disciplined and active person does have his/her moments of laziness, where they may just not feel like doing anything.

It is not such a bad idea to laze around at times. However, it can get challenging if we end up doing at the cost of our responsibilities and obligations.

Overcoming laziness is a skill everyone can learn and master. These tips will tell you how:

1. End-result orientation: Many a times, the process of performing a particular task makes us feel bored and lazy. The more we think about the task, the lazier we feel. However, the idea of seeing the result upon successful completion of the task can be both motivating and satisfying. E.g. cleaning the house may seem boring, but the idea of a neat and tidy house makes us feel good.

2. Work for just 10 minutes. Most of us who tend to feel lazy usually experience the ‘starting problem’. However, once we get into the groove, we usually pull it off right until the end. So, just tell yourself that you can give up after 10 minutes. Even if you decide to give it up, you have done at least some part of it.

3. Advantages of completing the task now. List down and remind yourself of the advantages of completing the task right away. E.g. you will get done with it, and will therefore be left with more free time, you will not be bothered about this one task, and can therefore focus on other work, etc. this will make it easier to convince yourself to carry out the task right away.

4. Disadvantages of delaying the task. This point focuses on motivating yourself to perform the task by reminding yourself of the things that are at stake, or the challenges that you may have to face by putting the work away for another time. Make a big list of everything that could go wrong if you continue to be lazy.

5. Consequences faced in the past. It is quite likely that you may have faced unpleasant consequences because you put away your work on account of boredom and laziness. Remind yourself of these instances. Remember that pain and use it as a driving force.

6. Goals to look forward to. If you feel lazy on a regular basis, maybe your goals aren’t exciting enough. Relook and set goals that keep you on your toes. This motivation will keep laziness at bay.

7. Small and achievable steps. Big tasks can be intimidating and overwhelming. By breaking the big task into smaller tasks, you will take small but definite steps to accomplish it, and therefore not feel bored to work on it.

8. Self-talk. Tell yourself how great it will be to check off the pending tasks on your to-do list. Counter the negative thoughts by repeating positive self-talk statements, such as, ‘I am going to feel so good and relieved once I complete all these tasks’, ‘It is really not such a big deal to complete these tasks if I take them up one after the other’, etc. You will automatically feel the positive energy and motivation.

9. List of activities for rejuvenation. When you do not have a plan to get out of your laziness and boredom, then you might end up spending hours or even days not feeling motivated and inspired. On the other hand, if you have a list of activities that make you feel relaxed, rejuvenated and happy, your mind is convinced that you have overcome the feeling of laziness, and are now ready to take on the task, full force. Some of these activities include taking a nap, going for a brisk walk, chatting with a friend, etc.

Overcoming the urge to be lazy is a useful life skill that can provide meaningful benefits. Let lazing around be a choice, and not an evil demon that comes in the way of your success. Apply some or all of the techniques listed above to deal effectively with that laziness, that you have been struggling to deal with all this while.

If you wish to get clarity on your goals, and work better on the obstacles coming in the way of your success, I’m just one message away. Drop me a message on LinkedIn, or email me directly on refindyou@gmail.com, and we can schedule a coaching session of 45 minutes, absolutely FREE.