By Sushma I R

A little back-story: I did a Half Marathon after over 2.5 years, at one of the toughest yet most scenic routes at Satara.

I had not been running long distances during the rains, and also had a slight knee injury recently, because of which I didn’t think it was a good idea to push my body. At the same time, since my brother Kartik was participating and had trained really well, I didn’t want to cancel my trip. So, I decided to go, with just one goal – to have a good time. I had not even decided if I would participate in the race until the day of the race.

Here are a few lessons I learnt, which, although are related to the race experience, are relevant to life in general!

• Plans are good to have, but inability to stick to plans doesn’t make you a failure
• The childhood tendency of comparing your own performance with that of others, in order to believe that you are good enough, stays, no matter what stage of life one is in. It requires effort to break away from it

• Just because (almost) everyone has a goal (mostly related to completion time, when it comes to running), it doesn’t have to be your goal too

• “If results don’t show, your efforts are not good enough” is the most self-sabotaging belief to hold

• Everyone is on their own journey – some get to the destination sooner, some later, and some quit. But quitting doesn’t make you less human

• Sometimes, listening to your body and stopping is wiser than pushing your body believing that “the least you can do is push and complete a race. Otherwise, what’s the point!”

• There are all kinds of people, some who wish to push and win, others who want to be better than what they were, and still others who just want to enjoy the scenery and have a good time. Some are a combination of the above too! It helps to recognize and accept where you are.

• Every step along the way is an opportunity for you to express gratitude – gratitude to people cheering for you, to your body for supporting you and enduring the strain, the weather for being so supportive, for mother nature to enthral with her scenic beauty. It’s a gratitude carnival

• It is easy to fall prey to your critical voice when your goal is different from that of the majority. It requires effort to believe that “You are good enough, exactly as you are”

• Getting rid of the pressure of reaching the destination in a specific way makes the journey way more beautiful and memorable

• When you enjoy the journey, getting to the destination whenever you do, becomes the cherry on the cake

Talking about money is often difficult for people, because they could associate their earning with their self-worth, and how they feel about themselves. However, it helps to know whether or not you have a healthy relationship with money.

Here are a few signs that indicate that you might not have a healthy relationship with money:

• You end up spending excessively, and before you know it, your monthly earning is over!

• You feel guilty when you quote a high price for your service

• You get angry when you have to pay a high price for other people’s services

• You feel anxious while checking your credit card statement each month

• You feel worried about your investments, because they might not yield good results

Usually, some of the ways in which people try to resolve the above issues are:

• You seek the guidance of a financial consultant

• You change your financial advisor if the problem still persists

• You swear at the beginning of every month that this month will be a month of savings and less expense, and invariably see that it is no different than other months

• You constantly look for services that come with high discounts – or avail cheaper services and tell yourself that this is good enough. However, internally you feel sad, thinking that you do not deserve better because you cannot afford it

• You cancel credit cards, and then reapply for ones with better deals and interest rates

• You work with your therapist to overcome the emotions of anxiety, anger and guilt

If any of the above scenarios resonate with you, you can be rest assured that the problem is much deeper than financial planning. You may have intensely limiting money beliefs, because of which nothing seems to be working for you. Money beliefs are relatively difficult to identify and overcome because they are deeply ingrained, and requires us to question some parts of our upbringing, and what we were told about money by family and society as we grew up!

But, when we identify them and work towards overcoming them, the rewards are astounding, and the effort is absolutely worth it!

I have gone through an interesting journey myself, and can personally vouch for the benefits of this work! Do join us for our Zoom workshop on ‘Embracing Prosperity and Money’ and take the wonderful transformational journey with us!

Next workshop details: 23^rd July, from 6 to 8 pm IST, on Zoom. Write to us on teamrefindyou@gmail.com or call 91675 60682 to register

Here are some Workplace stories on Deservability. Read on to see if you relate with any of these!

Ajay is a sincere and hard-working employee in a big organisation. He is often found spending extra hours at work, either staying back late or coming in early, and work somehow never seems to get over for him. Whenever someone praises his effort or hard work, he looks at them with a plain face and says, “Oh, I’m barely managing. I need to do more. I owe it to the organisation”.

In the same organisation works another employee named Anil – another hard-working and sincere employee at a mid-management level. He has been at the middle management level for quite a few years now. While his contemporaries have either quit the organisation or have been promoted, he somehow loses out on every opportunity. He believes that he is just not as lucky.

And in the same organisation, there is Sophie, an employee in the senior management position.  she is highly competent and manages a huge team. Sophie struggles to negotiate with the management for an increment of her salary, while she is very comfortable to take on a war with them for the increment of her teammates. She believes that they deserve to be paid well and that it is up to the senior management to decide whether she deserves to be paid well too or not.

There is a common theme between these three stories- apart from the fact that they work in the same organisation, they also face an issue of deservability.

Deservability is a term that Louise Hay uses to explain the concept of ‘needing to earn’ something, whether it is love, respect, recognition or money. In your core, if you believe that you do not deserve to be happy, to be praised, to be loved, to be recognized or to be paid well, you will be surprised at how you subconsciously push away these things in your life, and then blame others, life, planets or luck for your plight.

On the other hand, if you introspect, understand what you were told as a child that had led you to believe that you will get approval/fame/money/love/ anything that you wish only if ______, and that blank is actually vague, you will realize that you are chasing something that might never be met, and that you may therefore never consider yourself worthy of these things.

What do you think?

If this has stirred up something within you, and you wish to delve deeper, do join us for a workshop on Deservability, in order to understand and uproot your limiting beliefs that stop you from enjoying all good! The workshop is on Zoom. Register here: www.refindyou.com/online-workshops

We are overjoyed to share with you thar ReFind You is conducting workshops across topics and domains this year.

Handling Emotions Workshop Series

We begin with a series on Handling Emotions, where each workshop addresses one powerful negative emotion that, when not handled correctly, can wreak havoc in our lives. We are conducting four workshops in this series, one Saturday a month, on Anxiety, Handling Procrastination*, Anger and Frustration, and Depression. Procrastination is not an emotion, but it is caused due to an emotional disturbance, which is why it features in this series. This series is designed based on the application of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, a modality is used extensively by coaches and therapists globally.

Leadership Development Program

To be launched in June, this program comprises of 7 highly impactful topics in order to equip you to be an even better leader at work. We will be announcing these topics soon.

Spiritual Workshops

This is an area that is an interesting one, because the term ‘Spiritual’ can mean different things to different people. We define it as something that when we are oriented well, can have a deeper impact on day-to-day functioning, because when we resolve deeper blocks, we free ourselves to live the life that we want for ourselves! We are conducting workshops on the following topics:

Deservability (this is one of the biggest roadblocks that comes in the way of success, without people actually being aware of it. If you think you don’t deserve something, whether it is love, or money, or success, no matter how hard you try, it will not come to you!

Prosperity and Money Consciousness – This workshop focuses on money beliefs that you have, uncovers the conditioning around prosperity and money, and helps you change them, so that you can welcome abundance into your life.

How to Make Affirmations that Work – This is such a powerful workshop, that it’s amazing to see results. The magic that gets created from making affirmations correctly and doing them the right way is inexplicable.

You can register for whichever of the above workshops you would like here: www.refindyou.com/online-workshops

Love Yourself, Heal Your Life (Two-Day in-person workshop) – A workshop that helps you deep-dive into yourself for two full days, helps you lovingly uncover limiting beliefs, bring you in touch with your true self and unleash your potential in the real sense of the word. You can read about the experiences of our past participants to know what kinds of shifts they have experienced. Details of this workshop are given here: www.refindyou.com/2-day-workshop

No one deliberately jeopardizes their career. But you could be doing some things unknowingly that could have unpleasant and unfavourable outcomes.

Here are 7 such mistakes that we recommend you avoid.

1. Not asking for that raise/promotion that you believe you deserve

If you wait for the company to realize your worth and give you a raise or promotion that you think you deserve, that day might never come. If you do not openly express your expectations, your management can think that you are okay with whatever is offered to you. If you ask and they refuse, you can evaluate your options – whether you wish to negotiate, move on or make peace. The key is to be assertive, without coming across as obnoxious or pushy.

• Not speaking explicitly about the work you’ve been doing  

If you’re doing good work, talk about it too. Take advantage of LinkedIn and keep your activities updated. Do not sit back and wait for the world to guess what you have been up to. Believe that you are good, and let others know that too. Many do not do this thinking they will come across as pompous or arrogant, but not talking about yourself will not let you shine, or highlight your accomplishments.

• Gossiping or ranting about coworkers. Talking about coworkers can land you in trouble. Avoid speaking about other people unless you have something positive to say. Anything negative can get quoted inappropriately or misconstrued, and can cost you dearly.

• Considering your manager your competition- At the end of the day, you are reporting to your manager, and it is important that you have a cordial equation, even if you do not like them too much. If you make them look good, it is going to work in your favour. If you try to sabotage their position or reputation, you will have consequences to deal with.

• Engaging with coworkers that complain and rant too much. Maintain distance from coworkers that are always complaining and cribbing, as you might get into trouble for lending them a listening ear all the time, or may be perceived as a partner in crime.

• Searching for another job during your working hours. Your company is likely to check your internet log from time to time. If you’re spending time each day on job portals, during your company time, using company resources, you might lose your job. Look for a new job during personal time, using personal resources. Be sure to use your personal email ID and number too.

• Publicly searching for a new job. If you have your LinkedIn title as ‘Seeking better opportunities’ while you are still employed, you might offend your employer, because word spreads quickly, and no amount of account settings can help salvage the situation.

If you wish to see this post on Instagram, here is the link: https://www.instagram.com/p/CZJgkOFpB4O/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

In today’s age of the smartphone, all kinds of conversations take place over text. Needless to say, therefore, that arguments are inevitable. However, when we do not have the backing of body language or tone of voice, how can we possibly have an argument without misunderstanding or being misunderstood?!

Here are a few tips to help you use technology as a tool to overcome relationship challenges instead of making them more challenging.

Consider these tips for dealing with arguments through text messages:

• Understand the risk of misinterpretation. When you receive a message, if it can be taken a couple of ways, clarify the correct meaning from the sender. When you’re sending a message, before you hit that “send” button, take a moment to reread your message to see if your words could be interpreted differently than what you mean.

• Pay attention to the conversation. Text messaging can be convenient, but that doesn’t mean that you multitask while sending a text message. It requires as much, if not more, attention than a face-to-face or telephonic conversation.  

• Wait for a bit, if the conversation is turning into a heated argument. This will help you calm down and collect your thoughts and ideas. However, let the other person know that you’ll resume the conversation in sometime, otherwise you run the risk of creating a bigger misunderstanding or conflict.

• Be aware of your tone. Even an argument through text messages can be affected by the tone of your words. Some words carry more intense emotional connotations than others. Be aware that use of capital letters implies that you are screaming t the other person.

• Consider the impact of emojis. The little face you add to your messages can help explain your meaning, but even their intention can be mistaken if your recipient thinks you’re using them sarcastically. Be careful not to overuse them, or use them as a substitute for words.

• Avoid personal attacks. Avoid starting your sentences with ‘You did/ you are’ statements. Stick to ‘I feel/ I think’ statements instead. It’s not possible to take back a sent text message that hurts your partner or friend. These words can destroy relationships and make it difficult to recover for both of you. Use of the ‘delete message for all’ feature on Whatsapp can still create a rift.

Try to move to a different mode, such as telephone or video call, if meeting in person is not an option. Suggest parking the conversation until then. Be responsible enough to initiate the conversation when you connect on the alternate medium, rather than sweeping it under the carpet.

Were these tips helpful? Do let us know!

You can read this post on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/CYq1ghxqTsZ/?utm_medium=copy_link

As we set foot into 2022, here are 5 simple and highly effective ways to make the most of the new year!

1) Do not shy away from setting goals for yourself!

Many people fret over making resolutions or setting goals, either because they have failed in the past, or the pressure of achieving them is too overwhelming, or the journey is intimidating. However, unless you set a goal, how are you going to plan your next steps? By monitoring your journey and progress, you can always alter your goals, learn from your setbacks and bounce back stronger. You have nothing to lose!

2) Set SMART life goals!

When goals are vague and undefined, they lack clarity, and therefore get pushed in the background, because we do not know where to begin and how to proceed. Therefore, set goals that are SMART – Specific, Measurable. Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound.

Instead of saying, I want to make more money in 2022, which is vague, a SMART goal would be:

By December 31^st, 2022, I would like to make twice the amount of income I made in 2019, through direct earnings and investments.

The above goal is specific, can be measured, may be achievable, is realistic and time-bound. The best part is you can track progress and make changes in either your approach or your goal, depending on the conditions prevailing due to the pandemic.

3) Convert your goals into affirmations

Reword your goals in present continuous tense, and charge them with powerful positive words, so you believe in them! Use tools such as visualization, vision boards or journaling to see them come true. If you have already used affirmations, you would already be aware of how effective they are.

The above goal can be rewritten as an affirmation in this manner:

I am excitedly moving towards 31^st December 2022, making twice the amount of income I made in 2019, through direct earnings and investments, and celebrating victories along the way!

4) Appreciate small victories

If you tend to tell yourself, ‘Oh, this is nothing… I need to achieve ABC for me to appreciate myself’, you are perhaps being the strict parent or teacher that you always were afraid of, or did way too many things to please, or felt too overwhelmed by. If you are not going to celebrate little milestones, the journey is going to be exhausting. And chances of you giving up on your goals, especially wellness goals, are very high!

5) Learn to adopt holistic thinking

One of the reasons why we feel stressed is because we set goals in all areas of life, and want to achieve them all at the same time, without thinking about how a goal in one area of life might interfere with the goal in another area of life.

For example, if your goals are a combination of these: to get promoted, start a small business, double your income, exercise every day, have a good social life, play your instrument every day, work on that painting, spend time with your loved one, enhance your knowledge by taking courses, read regularly, not miss out on the latest releases on streaming platforms… you will need to plan in a way that achieving one goal doesn’t come in the way of the other. Holistic thinking will help you create a realistic plan that you can stick to!

Hope these points have added to your already existing knowledge, and you are excited about making the most of the new year!

The sight of policemen constantly going after people who are forming groups and ‘socializing’ during these times of lockdown is quite common in a lot of localities across the country. There is a lot being said about people’s callous attitude, disobedience and unawareness of the gravity of the situation.

However, I truly believe that this is a much deeper problem than mere disobedience and callousness. It is impossible that people wouldn’t be aware of the seriousness of the disease or the current situation; it is all over the news and on every social platform. What then could be the reason behind such behaviour?

In my opinion, there are two important reasons:

1) Over-proximity to near and dear ones

Many relationships in these times have stood the test of time and have been categorized as ‘successful’ not because of effort but because of status quo; because the family members are busy in their own lives, and usually come together to spend limited time with each other. In such a scenario, there is no scope for confrontation, having deeper and longer conversations if one doesn’t want to have them. But now, the scenario is totally different. With social distancing becoming mandatory, proximity with family members has become inevitable, making the distance in the relationship/s visible. Change is uncomfortable, and we seek to distract ourselves or avoid situations that require us to change. One of the ways of doing this is by taking the ‘familiar’ route of socializing with friends and acquaintances, in order to feel better. Once we are aware of the real problem, we can make a conscious choice – of facing it in the eye and dealing with it (through appropriate communication and action) or continue to avoid the situation by finding ways and means to do so, which could have hazardous consequences in the long run.

2) Discomfort being with self

There are loads of posts and articles out there that talk about the importance of self-love, of being self-aware, of spending time with self, etc. People hit the ‘like’ button for these posts, but when it comes to practice, usually nothing’s done. The prime reason is, we are usually never taught the importance of delving deeper within ourselves, knowing our deeper emotions, celebrating our journey so far etc. Many a times, we feel ashamed to admit to some of our shortcomings even to ourselves. We feel anxious of the consequences of thinking about our past mistakes and the emotional turbulence that comes with it. It’s easiest to blame another person, the society, the weather, the virus for our reactions, rather than delving deeper within ourselves and understand what’s going on. So, we end up doing just that. We either binge-watch movies and series, or spend hours on video calls with friends, or sink ourselves into office work and household chores – and do whatever it takes to stay away from ourselves. But guess what, sooner or later, each one of us is going to be pushed to the wall where we will be left with no option but to ask those uncomfortable questions to ourselves, and befriend ourselves in order to deal with the external world. Therefore, why not begin today? It might help us adhere to the social distancing guidelines laid by the government too…

Finally, I would like to say – make a conscious choice… Deal with the real problem, and as a consequence, you will be able to successfully distance yourself socially and make the lockdown period fruitful!

We all love that feeling of accomplishment that we experience when we complete the task that begin. But at times we struggle to finish the task. For some of us it becomes a string of tasks that are unfinished. How to tackle this difficulty? What is the reason for it? Is it lack of hard work? Inability? Or the circumstances outside your control? How do you break this habit once and for all? Here are some points that you may want to contemplate on…

• Observe your past pattern: If you often tend to leave tasks incomplete, there could be some common factors, both internal and external, that might be coming in your way of finishing the task. Identify those factors. Identify how many of those factors can be controlled and how many of them are not within your control.
  Know your limits: Know your strengths and limitations. Is the task that you have taken up within your capacity of completion? What would you rather have- a half finished dream or a finished task? Taking up a lot of different tasks will derail the train completely.
• Remember, time cannot be managed: Time remains constant, you can only align the work that you wish to do according to the time available. Keep realistic deadlines for the work. Being overambitious will not help you reach the deadline faster. Do you have a history of thinking that things will take less time than they actually do? Build a fudge-factor into your estimates.
• Do not just work hard; work smart too: Sometimes, thinking through the tasks and using certain strategies will help you work smarter and complete the tasks successfully.
• Plan in advance: Plan not just the task but also the time and effort required for it. Prioritize if you have many tasks.
• Set goals: Long term as well as short term goals can be laid down. Progress should be checked regularly. After you’ve made a little progress, revisit your expectations and adjust them as needed, so that you do not feel disappointed later.
• Small does not mean unimportant: At times, we consider a task to be less important because it feels like it can be taken care of in a jiffy. However these are the most likely tasks that will be pushed to the backburner and not completed. For example, we easily forget to take our medicines although it is still very important. Learn to finish those small things too. Allocate time for seemly small tasks and follow the schedule. If you’re washing the dishes, avoid leaving that greasy, soiled pan until morning. Fold all your clothes rather than leaving some of them for later. Clean the entire room. Pay all of the bills. Run the full 3 miles you planned to run.
• Are you a procrastinator? Procrastination, pushing ahead a task, can also happen once you have started working on something. We tend to push it ahead because we don’t like the task or we feel it can be done later on, or feel confused, or bored to work on it. Thus we always end up working on it at the last moment and are often unable to finish it. Plus, it stays on our mind all throughout, because we know that we have to come back to it sooner or later. The earlier you finish it the faster it will be out of your sight and mind. Sometimes we also push away a task because we want to do it perfectly and not make any mistake. However this need can hamper our progress rather than help us reach our goals.
• Visualize the finish line– Imagine yourself starting the tasks, taking them to completion, and the satisfaction you get after the accomplishment. The power of visualization acts as a powerful motivator. Reward yourself for completing the task, however small it may be.

Being a finisher is a habit as well as skill. Hone your skill and keep practicing it. Wish you all the best!

The entire world is going through a tough phase, with the corona virus spreading rapidly. While it is important to be aware that the corona virus is a grave issue, it is equally essential that you focus on taking necessary precautions without panicking. There are a number of posts and articles already doing the rounds on social media, talking about how you can make the most of the sudden time that has freed up for us. Here are a few pointers that I would like to highlight, for your benefit.

Distribute time wisely

Instead of overindulging in any kind of entertainment or recreation, be wise in distributing your time, by investing time in your physical, emotional and spiritual wellness. Restrict your screen time, so that you are not consuming too much of internet broadband. Remember, work from home is anyway going to have way too many people using the internet, thus impacting the speed etc. Also, if you do not restrict your screen time, you won’t realize how each day will go past with you just binge-watching shows on Netflix and going through memes on social media. Be mindful rather than regretting later for not utilizing your time optimally.

Do not end up overworking

It can be difficult to disconnect from work, especially if you are a workaholic, because you may start working right from the time you wake up until the day ends. Since you do not need to physically step out of office and travel to get back home, it is highly possible for you to get so engrossed in work that you lose track of time. This can be detrimental if it becomes an everyday affair, because you will be left with no time for any social interactions, physical activity or self-development.

Consciously make time for wellness

Physical fitness

In order to invest in physical wellness, you can cook healthy meals and consume them on time, which you may not have the luxury of doing while at work. There are loads of exercises that you can do at home. You can either refer to YouTube for ideas or get creative by yourself. If you have children at home, you can involve them in the workouts too. You may decide to venture out for walks or runs at your own discretion, because the government and medical authorities are recommending that you preferably stay indoors. If you do decide to venture out, make sure you take necessary precautions and adhere to the guidelines framed by the authorities.

Emotional Wellness

Your emotional wellness can be hampered during such times. Being at home all the time could lead to frustration. Looking at the news could make you feel anxious. Reading about negligent citizens can make you feel angry. And all these emotions can badly affect your mental health. Spend time relaxing your mind. Read books or watch videos that help you deal with the emotional disturbances. Seek counselling from professionals that are available for consultation virtually. You can even use this time to take an online course, work with a coach for developing skills, give time to your hobby (that can be pursued indoors) … all of these will contribute to your wellbeing.

Spiritual Wellness

Spiritual wellness can be enhanced further during such times too. Spend time reflecting about yourself. Jot down how your journey has been so far, express gratitude to those who have contributed knowingly or unknowingly to your journey. Set goals that you would like to achieve for yourself, and relook at your life vision. Spend alone time meditating or journaling your thoughts. You will feel an immense sense of fulfilment.

Work to maintain the balance between being a responsible citizen and making the most of the time that has been created because of the corona virus. Stay healthy and remember, this too shall pass.